Applying TSK to Anger Management
Fractal, by Chris Stallwood https://flic.kr/p/U9fN5P
Transforming Anger
General Instructions "The antidote to anger is love, compassion, and patience. But until we know how to apply these, we may instead try to force our anger clown. We may try this by keeping quiet, by walking, sleeping, reading books - but none of these are antidotes to anger's poison. What we can do is concentrate on the anger, not allowing any other thoughts to enter. "That means we sit with our angry thoughts, focusing our concentration on the anger - not on its object (which causes us to objectify the emotional response by blaming someone or something) - so that we make no discriminations, have no reactions. Likewise, when anxiety or any other disturbing feeling arises, keep the feeling concentrated. It is important not to lose it. But it is also important not to think further about it or act on it; just feel the energy, nothing more." (Tarthang Tulku, Openness Mind, p. 54) For general instructions, also see "What directions can I go with emotion?" http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence.html We can challenge our notion of what feelings and emotions are 'negative.' "Within every feeling or sensation there is the pure energy -- that both `negative' and `positive' emotions are flexible manifestations of energy, for only at the surface level do negative and positive, sadness and happiness exist. (Kum Nye Relaxation, p. 13) To help realize this, we can do the following exercise: the "Seeing Through Negativity" exercise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71V234d6CVc Breathing Instructions Just sitting in the traditional posture can be very helpful. (See http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence.html) Then, very importantly, breathe easily, gently, and smoothly through both nose and mouth, with the tip of your tongue on the upper palate just in back of your front teeth. This was described more fully at "Breathing, Emotion, and the Subtle Body" ( at https://lnkd.in/gSceawR ). The subtle body ( http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence-2.html ) makes it possible to change our mental, emotional, and physical states by changing the way we breathe. Even when very upset, we can calm and balance ourselves by breathing slowly and evenly. . . . See "Regulating emotion via breath" http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence-4.html ) Eventually it becomes possible to see emotion just beginning to surface, before it can get 'out of control.' See "Radar of awareness," https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6482865487767306240 . Kum Nye exercises to release and transform the energies: Usually our emotions tend to throw us off balance. In this [next] exercise, we can transform strong emotions such as resentment or anxiety, using the energy of the emotion to keep us balanced, rather than dissipating it through negativity. If you hold the position long enough, pure energy will flow throughout your body. [It's like having a pressure cooker to transform the emotion.] Kum Nye Ex. 59, Transforming Emotions, pp. 273-5, KNR – arms crossed in front, bend legs. Stand well balanced with your feet close together and your back straight. Cross your arms in front of your chest and hold your shoulders with your hands, your elbows down. With your legs together and your heels on the floor, bend at the knees with your back straight, as if sitting down in a low chair. Maintain internal balance as you lower, without tensing up. When you have gone down a certain distance in this position, you may find that tightness somewhere prevents you from going further, and you are beginning to lift your heels from the floor. Stop and locate the tension--it may be in your pelvis or legs. Let it go, and continue to lower, keeping your back straight. Well above a squatting position, you will discover a special place of balance and energy. You may need to move up and down a little until you find the right place. You may feel heat rise in your body, and you may begin to shake. You will feel pressure on your knees. Stay with these sensations and hold this position for one to five minutes, with your chin in and your back straight, concentrating on the energy in your spine. Then very slowly return to a standing position, releasing the tension. Stand silently with your arms at your sides for three to five minutes; then repeat the exercise twice, standing or sitting quietly after each repetition. Now sit in the sitting posture for ten to fifteen minutes, expanding the sensations generated by this movement. The close connections among our bodies, senses, and emotions allow us to affect our whole state of balance through a specific physical posture. Usually our emotions tend to throw us off balance. In this exercise, we can transform strong emotions such as resentment or anxiety, using the energy of the emotion to keep us balanced, rather than dissipating it through negativity. If you hold the position long enough, pure energy will flow throughout your body. As you do the exercise, search out the inner tensions that throw you of balance and release them. Feel for any memory that makes you tense and relax it so that it flows like liquid. Breathe softly and gently into places of blockage. Even if an emotion is so strong that the holding manifests as pain, breathe into the pain until the holding relaxes and you discover a kernel of new energy. Keep your belly relaxed so that energy rising up from the legs can flow through your spine and be distributed to your whole body. Close your eyes and go inside for your inner balance. With practice, the exercise may become effortless. Kum Nye Exercise 89 -- Transforming Energy, pp. 347-50, KNR Stand well balanced with your feet a comfortable distance apart, your back straight, and your arms at sides. Clench your fists strongly, hold your breath back in the chest, and tighten your chest until you feel something similar in quality to anger. Then breathing lightly--without losing the intense feeling of holding back in the chest, bring the elbows and fists up until they reach chest height. Strongly press your fists together knuckle to knuckle, and place them in the center of your chest. Make your body and fists strong and tense. Inhale deeply so the breath rolls down into the belly and draws energy from the base of the spine up into your chest. Hold this energy back internally with the breath and with your chest, as if protecting yourself. Intensify the feeling of blocking and holding back as much as you can, so your energy becomes concentrated. Now with your body still, suddenly thrust your arms straight out, palms forward, releasing the gathered energy in an explosion. While fully and sharply exhaling, shout HA from your chest. It is important for this arm movement to be straight forward, and for the hands to be bent up at the wrists. Every aspect of the tension- physical, mental and emotional-is released simultaneously. Stay for a moment in this position with outstretched arms, fingers wide. In the pause after the explosion, what is the feeling? Lower the arms to your sides and stand quietly for a few minutes. Do the exercise three times, standing briefly after each repetition. Then sit in the sitting posture for five to ten minutes, expanding the sensations stimulated by producing and releasing tension in this way. It is possible to do this exercise nine times, repeating the pattern of alternating exercise and sitting three times. Through this exercise, mental agitation and emotional discomfort can be transformed. As soon as the energy is disconnected from a particular pattern, a totally new way of being can form. Try this when you feel tired, depressed, negative, or blocked. The exercise can be done sitting. Radar of Awareness
Have you ever had an impulsive emotional reaction to something? When you might even have been surprised by anger, fear, or anxiety that arose unexpectedly, maybe even with no apparent cause, 'out of the blue'? It seems that many of us have had this kind of experience, and yet I doubt that many have learned how to deal with such unpleasant and unwelcome surprises. Part of the problem with such experiences is that others may be involved in the surprise, being emotionally hurt, and sometimes even being violently attacked. A friend of mine was teaching a computer science class, and was reviewing a quiz that he gave the students, when one student challenged him on the answer provided for one of the questions. My teacher friend was surprised by the challenge and used a racial epithet, trying to keep the student 'in his place'. Unfortunately, the abusive speech, although blurted out unintentionally, was hurtful to the student and led to the teacher's quick dismissal. I believe many of us, myself included, have had experiences like this one. One way to view what happens is that unconscious material and emotions are suddenly released into consciousness. Speaking for myself, sometimes you may have no idea where the emotion and reaction comes from. It may seem completely foreign to you, not in your character or experience. Most of us feel in control of our lives most of the time. What's scary about this kind of experience is that for at least a short time we totally lose control, and it can be devastating to others around you. It can instantly and unexpectedly disrupt your life. If you've even had such a distressing experience, you may wonder if there is something you can do to keep from having this kind of thing happen again. There is, although most likely it's something you need to work on, rather than an instant solution. Suppose you had a kind of emotional radar that would detect an emotional response that was beginning to come into awareness. It seems that then you would have more control over your response, more of a conscious choice over whether to say or do something. Wouldn't more awareness bring more control? The discipline of Kum Nye offers the possibility of developing such an 'emotional radar'. One natural benefit of practicing Kum Nye breathing ( discussed in "Breathing, Emotion, and the Subtle Body," https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6482766161577676800 ) for several months is that your breath becomes "like radar, and you are able to sense the signals of any emotion, your own or others." Here's a bit more about this possibility: When Kum Nye breathing is practiced for two or three months, and has become "truly balanced--not too controlled or tight, but slow and smooth, at an even level--and when, at the same time, awareness is united with breath as in a marriage, certain effects happen naturally." One is that breath becomes "like radar, and you are able to sense the signals of any emotion, your own or others. Your awareness of the beginnings of emotion and feeling is like a space that protects you. Awareness becomes an open field, allowing you to exercise awakened control, different from control by suppression or force." (Kum Nye Tibetan Yoga, Tarthang Tulku, pp. 43-4) |
Emotional Intelligence Best Practices
We've created a new LinkedIn group, "Emotional Intelligence Best Practices." Feel free to join us. Find it here: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/13655580/ There are articles on the following topics:
To appreciate how various emotionally transformative methods operate, it is useful to be somewhat familiar with the spectrum of human consciousness. For this the following three articles should be helpful: Regulating Emotion via Breath
The subtle body makes it possible to change our mental, emotional, and physical states by changing the way we breathe. Even when very upset, we can calm and balance ourselves by breathing slowly and evenly. . . . This works because our breath is closely connected to three main subtle nerve complexes, the head, throat, and heart chakras within the subtle body. "When you are aware of your breath, your whole life becomes balanced. Even when you find yourself in situations which arouse great anger, frustration, or pain, you can dissolve the disturbance by just being aware of your breathing, slightly paying attention and making the breath calm, slow, and rhythmical. The longer you accumulate energy with the breath, the more your whole body calms down; as you give the energy a chance to settle, various parts of the body, at all levels, become quieted. (p. 41, Kum Nye Relaxation, Part 1.) Exercise 8 Living Life in the Breath (pp. 46-7, KNR) Sit comfortably in the sitting posture, and breathes softly and slowly through both nose and mouth. Gently pay attention to breathing so that the breath flows equally through both nose and mouth. Give equal time to inhaling and exhaling. Notice the quality of your breathing, how sometimes it may be hard and choppy, sometimes agitated or deep. Notice how the different qualities of breathing are related to different mental and feeling states, and how as your breathing becomes easier and more even, your mind settles, and feeling flows. As you breathe, open the feeling of relaxation as wide as you can. Unite your awareness with your breath, and expand any sensations that arise until you no longer know where the boundaries of your body lie; there is only feeling and the subtle energy that rides on the breath. As breathing becomes more even, you naturally grow more calm. Superfluous muscle tensions dissolve, releasing different layers of feeling. As you penetrate to deeper layers of feeling, you will become familiar with many subtle feeling tones, although you may not necessarily have words to describe them. Let these feeling tones expand so that they become deeper and more vast. Practice this breathing for 20 to 30 minutes every day for at least 3 months. Then continue to practice this breathing whenever you can, when working, walking, talking -- during every moment of your daily life, and even during the night, when you awaken. You may sometimes want to practice this breathing while lying down on your back, either with your legs straight, or with your knees bent and your feet flat on the floor. Fascination and Anxiety
"The world is a fascinating place, full of beauty, remarkable sensations, all manner of nearly irresistible attractions. But even though these attractions continually occupy our attention, they seldom give us any lasting satisfaction. We are like small birds: our mouths gaping, always hungry. and the hunger seems to go on and on. We are continually unfulfilled, so our dissatisfaction increases even more. "Constantly hungry, we become attracted to what others have; we get caught up in continually searching and grasping, which is an exhausting pursuit. Our minds, tired and distracted, miss the true opportunities for fulfillment. We grasp at the messages our sense perceptions send us and therefore miss the nurturing quality of the natural flow of our own feelings and sensations. Rather than focusing on the sensations we experience, we focus on our thoughts about them --which cannot ever give much satisfaction. "When we become aware of the situation, we can see that it is caused by a subtle psychological progression: the reaching out of fascination leading to anxiety, and dissatisfaction leading to further reaching out. We get caught in this progression because our thoughts, our fascinations, cannot fulfill us; they have no real substance. We cannot hold them. We continually put ourselves in the situation of chasing after rainbows. And the more we chase them, the more anxious and frustrated we become. . . . "Relaxation can slow down this tense speeded quality. We can relax the mind, slow down our thoughts, create a different tone which loosens our deeper feelings of expectation. When we can slow down and become calm and relaxed, the anxious waves slowed down to ripples. . . . "We can learn to alter the cycle of fascination and anxiety by developing awareness of the coming and going of thoughts and images. By expanding each thought and then carrying its feeling to a deeper level, we can avoid succumbing to anxiety -- that part of our consciousness that wants to move, to do something. (65-8, Openness Mind, Tarthang Tulku) Breathing instructions We can change our mental, emotional, and physical states by changing the way we breathe. Even when very upset, we can calm and balance ourselves by breathing slowly and evenly. . . . This seems to work especially well in the case of anxiety, because "the energy of `breath' is particularly associated with the throat center, which both evokes energy and coordinates the energy flow throughout the body. "Usually, however, the throat center is agitated, so this energy becomes 'blocked,' and does not flow properly. All emotional extremes and imbalances occur in this [agitated] state: heightened emotion, like anger or hate, as well as severe depression and lack of energy [and anxiety]. Until the throat center settles and subtle energies are distributed as much to the heart as to the head [chakras], we cannot truly contact the senses or touch our real feelings." (KNR, pp. 38) Thus the key to changing all emotional extremes lies in the state pf the subtle energy of the head, throat, and heart chakras. Breathe easily, gently, and smoothly through both nose and mouth, with the tip of your tongue on the upper palate just in back of your front teeth. This was described at "Breathing, Emotion, and the Subtle Body" ( at https://lnkd.in/gSceawR ). Then, very importantly, the subtle body ( http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence-2.html ) makes it possible to change our mental, emotional, and physical states by changing the way we breathe. Even when very upset, we can calm and balance ourselves by breathing slowly and evenly. . . . See "Regulating emotion via breath" http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence-4.html ) Slow Kum Nye exercises can very quickly transform anxiety: Being and Body, pp. 178-180, Kum Nye Tibetan Yoga, Tarthang Tulku Stand well-balanced with your feet a comfortable distance apart, the back straight and the arms relaxed at your sides. Breathe softly through nose and mouth. close your eyes and let tension ebb from your entire body especially the chest and throat. Take time to sense how tiny adjustments in muscles and energy may affect your balance. Now slowly open your eyes, look straight ahead, and begin to walk unhurriedly, with very small steps, as few as two inches and not more than four. Walk as slowly as you can imagine walking. Then slow down even more. Each movement of walking can be an opportunity for learning. Before lifting a foot, relax the belly and chest. At the moment of stepping, relax the knees, belly, and chest. Relax also the fingers and toes, skin, even the bones -- but every part of your body be calm and warm. Step lightly and create balance at every moment . . . . Balance both sides of your body, balance your concentration, balance your breath. You may then discover that your body moves gracefully and gently by itself. Between lifting and stepping there is a kind of silence. Tension in the energy centers, especially in the throat center, may block the silent quality. So at the moment of lifting the foot off the ground, relax your throat, as well as your belly, knees, shoulders, hands, and spine. Relax also your way of being aware, so your concentration is not too strong or focused. Then at the crucial point between lifting and stepping, you are balanced, relaxed, and silent. Give the same emphasis and the same amount of time to each part of the movement --lifting, moving, stepping. Open your senses in such a way that you do not focus on any particular sense. You are not more aware of seeing than of hearing. Give as much power to your feelings as to your ears, eyes, and thoughts. Feel as much as you think. Give all aspects of the experience equal weight, letting your body and senses operate as a complete whole. Practice this slow pace for 45 minutes, moving so slowly that you cover 10 yards, back and forth, four times. Calming Inner Energy, pp. 183-4, KNTY. Sitting cross-legged on a cushion with your back straight and the hands on your hips. Move your upper body in a circle, bending slowly to your left from the waist. Breathe through both nostrils nose and mouth, the head and neck relaxed and hanging. Then, unhurriedly, move forward so your head skims your left knee, passes close to the ground and then skims your right knee. Move up on the right side, then arch backward slightly, looking toward the ceiling. Without stopping, continue the circle to the left, moving slowly and maintaining balance. Your mouth should be relaxed and slightly open. Fully exhale in the lower position and breathe normally and gently during the rest of the rotation. After nine clockwise rotations, slowly change directions and continue for 9 counterclockwise rotations. This exercise may bring you to a still place where you have few or no thoughts. If this happens, slow the movement down even more, expanding this feeling. When you finish the exercise, sit in the sitting posture for 5 to 10 minutes, continuing to follow and extend the sensations stimulated by the movement. This exercise may also be done standing. 'Pressure Cooking' Emotion Usually our emotions tend to throw us off balance. In this [next] exercise, we can transform strong emotions such as resentment or anxiety, using the energy of the emotion to keep us balanced, rather than dissipating it through negativity. If you hold the position long enough, pure energy will flow throughout your body. [It's like having a pressure cooker to transform the emotion.] Transforming Emotions, pp. 273-5, KNTY. Stand well balanced with your feet close together and your back straight. Cross your arms in front of your chest and hold your shoulders with your hands, your elbows down. With your legs together and your heels on the floor, bend at the knees with your back straight, as if sitting down in a low chair. Maintain internal balance as you lower, without tensing up. When you have gone down a certain distance in this position, you may find that tightness somewhere prevents you from going further, and you are beginning to lift your heels from the floor. Stop and locate the tension--it may be in your pelvis or legs. Let it go, and continue to lower, keeping your back straight. Well above a squatting position, you will discover a special place of balance and energy. You may need to move up and down a little until you find the right place. You may feel heat rise in your body, and you may begin to shake. You will feel pressure on your knees. Stay with these sensations and hold this position for one to five minutes, with your chin in and your back straight, concentrating on the energy in your spine. |
