Applying TSK to Emotional Intelligence (EI) 2

Emotional Intelligence Best Practices Group

I'm planning, in the next year or so, on posting articles on some of the best emotional intelligence methods. For this I've created a new group, "Emotional Intelligence Best Practices."  Feel free to join us.  The following topics will probably be addressed: 
To appreciate how various emotionally transformative methods operate, it is useful to be somewhat familiar with the spectrum of human consciousness.  For this the following three articles should be helpful:
Fractal art
What Directions Can I Go with Emotion?
As we become more familiar with our patterns, we learn to recognize the early signs of an emotional reaction: a tight, physical sensation of excitement in the abdomen, which slowly spreads into the chest, causing a dense feeling in the heart or at times in the throat. Unless we can catch the energy at some point during this process, it will be followed almost immediately by an emotional response.   (For more on the emergence of emotion, see "Radar of awareness.")

After an emotion has already surfaced, there are two ways to deal with it. One is to objectify the emotional response by blaming someone or something ( relating to the emotion in a dualistic first level (as described in "The Spectrum of Consciousness"). for the way you feel. Despite being a very, very common  method for reacting to emotion, this way reinforces and escalates negative feelings.

The other choice is to go directly into the emotion, become it, discover it, feel it thoroughly, and calmly watch its nature. Rather than ask why, keep the feeling concentrated. It is important not to lose it. But it is also important not to think further about it or act on it; just feel the energy, nothing more. If you watch carefully, without involvement, you will see the emotion manifest in both body and mind and then dissolve into pure energy. . . ."  (pp. 13-14, Hidden Mind of Freedom, Tarthang Tulku)
  • If you can, don't try to figure out, interpret, or think about the cause of the feeling, as psychology might suggest. 
  • If you can, focus directly on the feeling.  Don't  try to control the feeling in any way (perhaps by remaining separate from it), even if it is very intense. 
This will help one relate to the emotion at a nondualistic second or third level (as described in "The Spectrum of Consciousness").

Just by sitting quietly and watching our emotional state without attachment, we become tranquil. No other instruction is necessary, even though it might seem that you, or the self should do more. Agitated, restless feelings are like muddy water, which becomes still and transparently clear when left to stand. As our emotional reaction naturally subsides, mind and body become peaceful and balanced.  Sitting in the seven gestures (see "Sitting to Balance and Transform Emotion")  may help even more to transform the emotion .

"There is nothing to interpret and nowhere to go.  You are in the center of the experience, wholly focused on that one experience, which is all-encompassing.  At that point, the identity of what you are feeling, and your own identity as well (often the self), have become irrelevant."  (p. 154, Tarthang Tulku, Dimensions of Mind)  Then this is very likely a nondualistic third level  'experience' as described in "The Spectrum of Consciousness"
Depression and the Special Self
​Tarthang Tulku says that in human beings today, "Usually . . .  the throat center is agitated, so this energy  becomes 'blocked,' and does not flow properly.    All emotional extremes and imbalances occur in this state: heightened emotion, like anger or hate, as well as severe depression and lack of energy.  Until the throat center settles and subtle energies are distributed as much to the heart as to the head [chakras], we cannot truly contact the senses or touch our real feelings."   (Kum Nye Relaxation, pp. 38)

However, "The energy of `breath' is particularly associated with the throat center, which both evokes energy and coordinates the energy flow throughout the body.  It is possible . . . to breathe in such a way that the throat center [chakra] becomes calm and functions smoothly. The way to do this is to breathe slowly and evenly through both nose and mouth, with the mouth slightly open and the tongue lightly touching the palate."  (Kum Nye Relaxation I, Tarthang Tulku, pp. 34-40)      



Here's a more detailed description of the breathing technique:

Exercise 8  Living Life in the Breath   (pp.  46-7, KNR)

Sit comfortably in the sitting posture, and breathes softly and slowly through both nose and mouth. Gently pay attention to breathing so that the breath flows equally through both nose and mouth. Give equal time to inhaling and exhaling.

Notice the quality of your breathing, how sometimes it may be hard and choppy, sometimes agitated or deep.  Notice how the different qualities of breathing are related to different mental and feeling states, and how as your breathing becomes easier and more even, your mind settles, and feeling flows.

As you breathe, open the feeling of relaxation as wide as you can. Unite your awareness with your breath, and expand any sensations that arise until you no longer know where the boundaries of your body lie;  there is only feeling and the subtle energy that rides on the breath.

As breathing becomes more even, you naturally grow more calm. Superfluous muscle tensions dissolve, releasing different layers of feeling. As you penetrate to deeper layers of feeling, you will become familiar with many subtle feeling tones, although you may not necessarily have words to describe them. Let these feeling tones expand so that they become deeper and more vast.

Practice this breathing for 20 to 30 minutes every day for at least 3 months. Then continue to practice this breathing whenever you can, when working, walking, talking -- during every moment of your daily life, and even during the night, when you awaken.

You may sometimes want to practice this breathing while lying down on your back, either with your legs straight, or with your knees bent and your feet flat on the floor.


Here's another exercise to help break through the depressed energy:



Kum Nye Exercise 89 -- Transforming Energy,  pp. 347-50, KNR
Stand well balanced with your feet a comfortable distance apart, your back straight, and your arms at sides. Clench your fists strongly, hold your breath back in the chest, and tighten your chest until you feel something similar in quality to anger.  Then breathing lightly-without losing the intense feeling of holding back in the chest, bring the elbows and fists up until they reach chest height. Strongly press your fists together knuckle to knuckle, and place them in the center of your chest.

Make your body and fists strong and tense. Inhale deeply so the breath rolls down into the belly and draws energy from the base of the spine up into your chest. Hold this energy back internally with the breath and with your chest, as if protecting yourself. Intensify the feeling of blocking and holding back as much as you can, so your energy becomes concentrated.

Now with your body still, suddenly thrust your arms straight out, palms forward, releasing the gathered energy in an explosion. While fully and sharply exhaling, shout HA from your chest. It is important for this arm movement to be straight forward, and for the hands to be bent up at the wrists. Every aspect of the tension--physical, mental and emotional--is released simultaneously. Stay for a moment in this position with outstretched arms, fingers wide. In the pause after the explosion, what is the feeling?

Lower the arms to your sides and stand quietly for a few minutes. Do the exercise three times, standing briefly after each repetition. Then sit in the sitting posture for five to ten minutes, expanding the sensations stimulated by producing and releasing tension in this way. It is possible to do this exercise nine times, repeating the pattern of alternating exercise and sitting three times.

Through this exercise, mental agitation and emotional discomfort can be transformed. As soon as the energy is disconnected from a particular pattern, a totally new way of being can form. Try this when you feel tired, depressed, negative, or blocked. The exercise can be done sitting. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------


The following quoted material is from Lama Marut's book, Be Nobody (BN), Sue Atkinson's book, Climbing Out of Depression (CO), and from Philip Martin's book, The Zen Path Through Depression (ZP).  All three authors reportedly suffered greatly from depression at some point(s) during their lives. 

What causes depression?
Medical science has not identified any single cause of depression. A whole array of factors, external and internal, is said to be capable of triggering it in any given individual. External causes might include family conflict, interpersonal conflict, bereavement, job loss, major life changes, and drug or alcohol abuse. (Sounds like a description of life itself, doesn’t it?) Internal causes seem a bit more vague: previous negative experiences (e.g., a history of depression), “personality” (e.g., a tendency toward perfectionism), medical illness, and “family disposition” (i.e., bad genes). As one expert summarizes the situation, “The precise causes of these [depressive] illnesses continue to be a matter of intense research.”  Decoded, that means, “We really don’t know exactly what causes depression.”  (BN)

The true causes and cures of this modern ailment are not the ones usually on offer in many therapeutic and “self-help” circles.  (BN)



What is it like to be depressed?
It may seem surprising to those who have never suffered from depression to learn that nobody thinks of themselves more than somebody who is depressed. But even those who have only experienced “a bad day” or just “a little case of the blues” will recognize the phenomenon: when you’re feeling down, you aren’t interested in much else besides how down you feel. Depression is a caricature of the main cause of depression. Depression is ultimately caused by thinking   about oneself all the time, and is experienced as the inability to think about anyone other than oneself.  (BN)

The gray place that depression is can be frightening and disorienting. Whether or not you have been there before, each time it is different. It may sometimes seem that you are in a cold, lifeless, lonely desert. Other times it may feel like a dark, overgrown forest, filled with terrible animals lurking just out of sight in the shadows. Or you may feel you’re at the bottom of the ocean; the water holds you captive, the pressure is unbearable, and you cannot breathe. Whatever the place or the terrain, it feels as if there is no way out. You are truly lost.  (ZP, p. 13)

In depression our back is often against the wall. Indeed, nothing describes depression so well as that feeling of having nowhere to turn, nothing left to do. Yet such a place is incredibly ripe, filled with possibility. It gives us the opportunity to really pay attention and just see what happens. When we’ve done everything, when nothing we know and believe seems to fit, there is finally the opportunity to see things anew, to look differently at what has become stale and familiar to us.  (ZP, p. 13)

Depression is not just a step further along the continuum of grief and sadness. Anyone who has experienced it knows that it is qualitatively different from our everyday consciousness. Depression brings to us strong feelings of hopelessness, a sense of worthlessness, and a more insistent awareness of death. But before we seek solutions, we must look at the naked feelings themselves. Facing depression lets us look closely, for perhaps the first time, at the deepest problems and feelings in our life.   (ZP, p. 16)

In depression we are acutely aware of the heavy doubt we carry within us. We doubt that things will ever get any better.    (ZP, p. 42)

Intense emotions are present in us: hopelessness, worthlessness, and a profound and unexplained sadness. We feel that we are all alone. Thoughts of death intrude into our consciousness. We may even be filled with thoughts of suicide.  (ZP, p. 19)

“OK. You want to focus on yourself all the time? Try this!” We get depressed, unable to get out of our own heads and stop the repetitive, broken record of how bad we feel. And then, performing another trick from its vast repertoire, the [depressed person's] “somebody self” identifies with this “depressed person” it has fabricated.  (BN)

How we were is what we get stuck with. Depressed people can identify with lemmings. We feel the urge to emigrate, or get away from all that haunts us, or wish that we could start life all over again. For many of us, life is so terrible that we can believe that death would be some sort of relief. (CO, p. 22)

One of the very worst things in deepest depression and despair is the utter loneliness. That devastating feeling of total alienation from every other living thing in the universe. The intense mental pain and anxiety of isolation divides depression and despair from the much less painful experiences of difficulty and sadness that all of us suffer from time to time.   (CO, p. 28)

None of us can help the things life has done to us. They’re done before you realize it, and once they’re done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you’d like to be, and you have lost your true self forever.  --Eugene O’Neil     (CO, p. 28)

There are many different levels of depression – from this vague feeling of malaise to extreme symptoms such as hearing voices, hallucinations and the suicidal feelings which sometimes accompany the deepest depressions.    (CO, p. 31)

To every depressed person the feelings of being cut off from other human beings are stark and painful.  (CO, p. 32)



How common is depression now?
Anxiety and depression are the most prevalent concerns among college students seeking mental-health treatment on campus today. --Time magazine

In many places, depression has now become one of the leading causes of absenteeism from work. It is not an exaggeration to say that depression has become pandemic. The World Health Organization has predicted that by 2020 it will be the second most fatal illness, trumped only by heart disease. (BN, p. 26)

The precipitous rise in depression and the steep plunge in self-esteem can be directly correlated to living in a society where the unconstrained preoccupation with the self has taken on pathological dimensions.    (BN, p. 27)

While depression and problems associated with low self-esteem are on the rise, it is not contradictory to observe that it is actually the narcissistic overestimation of the self that lies at the heart of this beast. One modern expert has baldly stated, “There doesn’t seem to be a great deal of really low self-esteem. The average person already thinks that he or she is above average.” This double-faced Janus—simultaneously insecure and arrogant, self-abasing and self-absorbed—is consistent with the neurosis that arises with the self-preoccupation definitive of our culture.  (BN)

According to the ancient texts, . . . one of the karmic causes of depression is an overweening interest in oneself at the expense of thinking of others. In a [modern] time and place where “it’s all about me”—where the promotion of the first-person pronoun demands a “me first” attitude—it’s no wonder that we’re plunging into depression in unparalleled numbers.    (BN, p. 30)



What to do?
How we were is what we get stuck with. Depressed people can identify with lemmings. We feel the urge to emigrate, or get away from all that haunts us, or wish that we could start life all over again. For many of us, life is so terrible that we can believe that death would be some sort of relief. (CO, p. 22)

We have a fundamental choice. We can run from these feelings, which will only make them stronger. We can try to fit them into a framework of belief—either our own or someone else’s. We can see depression in moral terms and believe that it is a sign of weakness. We can view it in medical terms and seek treatment with a physician. We can believe it is psychological and seek in our past for the answers. Or, before seeking any concept or explanation, we can do as Buddha did and look at things as they are. We can look compassionately at what is happening to us in depression. We can examine ourselves without running, without fighting, without preconceptions, before any thought of a solution.   (ZP, p. 16)

 If we have some power over what we are thinking, it will not control us so much. (CO, p. 24)

Consider this: We all know that it is in those moments when we completely lose ourselves—engrossed in a good book or movie, engaged in an all-consuming task or hobby, or immersed in our child’s or lover’s gaze—that we are truly happy.  These experiences point to something extremely important: Our greatest joy comes when we vacate ourselves and give ourselves over to something or someone else. It is when we manage to “stand outside of ourselves” (exstasis) that we experience ecstasy. True and deeply felt self-esteem comes not through the exhausting quest for more and more ego inflation. It comes only when the ego and its endless demands are quieted and quenched, when the lower self is emptied and the fullness and plentitude of the Higher Self arise. It is only when we stop narrating the play-by-play of our lives and actually start living in an unmediated and direct way that we become really present and fully engaged.  (p. 30, BN)


Here are two meditative exercises from The Zen Path:


Further Exploration 

In a quiet place, sit either cross-legged on a cushion, or in a straight-backed chair. 
Fold your hands in your lap, and allow your gaze to drop to a spot on the floor a few feet in front of you. Sit upright, with your spine comfortably settled into your hips, and tuck your chin in a bit. Now let your attention move from your head, through your neck, shoulders, and chest, to settle in your belly. Feel the rising and falling of your belly as you breathe in and out. If you wish, you may think “in” and “out” with your breathing. Become aware of the space around you. Feel that this is your space, your ground, your home. You are like a pebble sinking down through a river to settle on the bot- tom, where the waves and currents can’t touch you. Envision yourself sitting on a throne, or a mountaintop—anywhere that seems a powerful place to you.

Say three times to yourself, “This is where I make my stand.” You are immovable here. You are strong and safe in this spot. All fears, all grief, all pain can come and wash over and through you, and not wash you away. Now come back again to your breath, following it in and out, as your belly rises and falls. Your breath is the anchor that is always there, that will hold you in this place. Become aware that this place where you sit is immense and extends into all directions. It is large enough to contain whatever you choose to invite in. Welcome your feelings of fear, your pain, your depression into this place. Tell the depression that it need not feel excluded from this place, that in this place it will receive under- standing and compassion. Invite into this place as well any deities, or energies, that you wish. Especially those that give you strength—but also, if you would like, those that may bring you fear. Again come back to your breath, and feel the immensity of the place within which you sit like a mountain. When you are ready to return, remind all those you have invited in that they are welcome to return again when you come back. Remind yourself that this place waits for you, at any time you wish it. Sit, enjoying this place you have created.  (ZP, p. 18)


Further Exploration 

Sitting comfortably on a cushion or a chair, relax your breathing. Then begin to focus on your inhalations and exhalations. When you have settled into your own natural rhythm of breathing, bring your awareness to your body. What sensations do you feel that seem to be a manifestation of your depression?

How do you feel that’s different from how you usually feel? Is there a heaviness throughout your body? Do you feel especially cold, or especially hot? Or do you instead feel numb? Notice whether there is pain, and where it is located. Do you feel a tightness in your belly, or a pain in your chest? Or perhaps you feel a restlessness, and find it exceedingly difficult to sit still. Give your awareness to those feelings, but do not respond to them. Instead, try to simply continue sitting and breathing, while paying attention to those sensations. Now take a moment to focus your attention on your thoughts. If you can, watch them come and go without becoming involved in their content. If you find that you have become involved, gently bring your attention back to simply observing your thoughts. Are there thoughts that you’re not accustomed to having? Are you thinking about death, or are there thoughts of worthlessness or pointlessness? Are you preoccupied with worry, or fear, or bad things that you feel will happen? Do not try to stop those thoughts or push them away, but simply observe and note them. Finally, give your attention to your feelings, and notice how they are intertwined with your thoughts. Are you feeling fear? Hopelessness? Anxiety? Despair? Anger? Sadness? Bring your attention back full circle, and look again at your body. Are your feelings and thoughts connected to some of the physical sensations you noticed earlier? As you pay attention to each sensation, thought, and emotion, does it intensify, or does it quiet down? When you feel you are ready to stop, bring your attention back to your breath for a moment, and notice whether your breathing has changed since you began. You can do this exercise from time to time to check in with your feelings of depression. Or you can do it over several days to really get to know your depression well.  (ZP, p. 22)

Breathing, Emotion, and the Subtle Body

Many of the exercises in the "Emotional Intelligence Best Practices" LinkedIn group  focus on the so-called subtle body, rather than the ordinary physical body.

Western knowledge about medicine and psychological development, among other subjects,  is based mostly on the ordinary physical bodies that are born,  mature during our adolescence, and serve as centers for our adult existence in the world.  But centuries ago, numerous spiritual masters from various traditions discovered and taught additional knowledge they knew about the complex nature of the ordinary physical body.  (The Secret Map of the Body:  Visions of the Human Energy Structure, Yangonpa)

There are coarse, subtle, and very subtle bodies,  inseparable from the ordinary body.  In the genesis of the human body, we can say that the very subtle layer of the body generates the subtle layer, and that this in turn generates the coarse human body. . . . (The Secret Map of the Body:  Visions of the Human Energy Structure, Yangonpa, pp. 43-44)

The subtle body makes it possible to change our mental, emotional, and physical states by changing the way we breathe.  Even when very upset, we can calm and balance ourselves by breathing slowly and evenly. . . . This works because our breath is closely connected to three main subtle nerve complexes, the head, throat, and heart chakras within the subtle body.

The energy of `breath' is particularly associated with the throat center, which both evokes energy and coordinates the energy flow throughout the body.  It is possible . . . to breathe in such a way that the throat center [chakra] becomes calm and functions smoothly. The way to do this is to breathe slowly and evenly through both nose and mouth, with the mouth slightly open and the tongue lightly touching the palate.  (Kum Nye Relaxation I, Tarthang Tulku, pp. 34-40)      

"Usually, however, the throat center is agitated, so this energy  becomes 'blocked,' and does not flow properly.    All emotional extremes and imbalances occur in this [agitated] state: heightened emotion, like anger or hate, as well as severe depression and lack of energy. Until the throat center settles and subtle energies are distributed as much to the heart as to the head [chakras], we cannot truly contact the senses or touch our real feelings."   (KNR, pp. 38)   Thus the key to changing all emotional extremes lies in the state pf the subtle energy of the head, throat, and heart chakras.

"Once this pattern [of agitation] is in force, it becomes self-perpetuating. Instead of experiencing directly, fully assimilating our sensations and integrating them with the feelings of the heart, we get caught up in patterns of thinking about an experience, labeling it and reporting back to ourselves on its nature. We thus reinforce the subject, the 'I,' [the self,] the one who does the experiencing, and experience itself becomes an object frozen into form and meaning.

"When we are in this state, our feelings are actually secondary feelings, interpretations of mental images that we then feed back to ourselves. We live `in our heads', subsisting on records of past experience, mental verbalizations unconnected to our true feelings. A feeling of continuous dissatisfaction arises, a subtle form of anxiety that we feel in the throat center [or chakra] as a kind of tightness. This tension manifests as the `self' reaching out for experience. As a result, the flow of energy to the head center increases, and the energy flow to the heart center lessens."  (KNR, pp. 37-8)  Thus desire, dissatisfaction, seeking, and the self itself seem to be other aspects of the imbalance of head, throat, and heart chakras.   

This is the second article posted on the Emotional Intelligence Best Practices LinkedIn group, which you're welcome to join.
Balance and Manage Emotions via Breathing

Now let's put together the sitting posture, the balanced breathing, and the directions for focusing on a feeling.  It can be helpful to set a timer for five or ten minutes, however long you want—a timer can relieve you of the need to track clock time, and just focus on the experience.   Sit in the traditional sitting posture described at http://www.tskassociation.org/emotional-intelligence.html

-----------------------

Then breathe easily, gently, and smoothly through both nose and mouth, with the tip of your tongue on the upper palate just in back of your front teeth.  Let the breath become more and more even and continuous, without breaks or jerkiness.  This was described more fully at "Breathing, Emotion, and the Subtle Body"  (above)

While sitting,  go directly into any feeling that arises or is already present--become it, discover it, feel it thoroughly, and calmly watch its nature. Rather than ask why, keep the feeling concentrated. It is important not to lose it. But it is also important not to think further about it or act on it; just feel the energy, nothing more.  This was described more fully at "What Directions Can I Go with Emotions"  (left)

----------------------

Afterwards, review your experience.   Did it help to relax and settle your mind, body, and emotions?

Done extensively, the exercise can balance the throat center, where imbalance produces emotional extremes as well as  pressure and anxiety about time.

However, it is important to work continually with the breath, or else the effects will not last:  the body mind, and senses will slip back into an unbalanced rhythm.  So practice this kind of breathing each day for at least three months; twenty to thirty minutes a day is helpful. . . . Once we learn to balance and accumulate energy, we can carry on this process day and night, not just at certain set times. . . . Later on we may not even have to make any effort at all to tap this energy of breath, for it is behind all physical and mental energies.  (Kum Nye Tibetan Yoga, Tarthang Tulku, pp. 44-45)